yeaps! im back. hahas. due to some "irresistible tempations" of wanting to blog. i've got a new blog @ http://shweets-lurve.blogspot.com .. rem arx.. its BLOGSPOT. lolx nt blogdrive =D cyas!

some sort of shiat on yes9.33. hahas. busy busy. rushin for work now. jus came here to say tat i've thought it over. cuz i knew all these while no one's been reading muh blog. so i'll go for a longgg hiatus (i suppose, cuz im busy).. maybe 3 months or stuff. and i'll be back after my mid-year exams (i hope) to update. will try ta learn to have some layouts downloaded. and i'll oso learn from dor they all to do myself a layout for my webby ok? meanwhile jus to some passer-bys or anyone (i dont think have any) tat try to come back a lil` often. i dont think i gonna surprise u or wad. but i'll try my best =) meanwhile do visit my web ok! god bless yew. ciaos.

nothing again. mebbe muh keyboard? mom's snoring awae jus now. but it has stopped. wahahahas.. she's fallen asleep on my bed. well ytd nite he msg-ed me and said "i always make u so sad, if i leave you will u be happier?" the moment i saw this. i was stunned. cant move and stared at e phone. my mind went completely blank.. i dont wan to tink of anithing bad happenin to us.. den i looked at e ceiling for awhile......... and i replied him tat it's his choice. after sending da msg, cuz i dun wanna know wad will be his reply, in fact. i am afraid to know. so i off da hp immediately. obviously. i cried ='( my heart wanted to burst, lucky my bro didnt see =( dens after 30mins. i brought up my courage and on da phone. of cuz he replied. i was scared, so scared. and afraid to open da msg, but i tot to myself.. i've got to face it no matter wad. its fact and i have to face it sooner or later. i tried to hold back muh tears. and opened it.... he said tat he wouldnt leave me. tats it, i felt much better of cuz. my heart from beating so fast like its gonna burst settled down.

but we didnt tok in sch todae =( how far can all these gets? i darnoe. my mom told me. she knew we will end sooner or later. why nt end it now? i told her i cant put down all these. i realli loved him.. love him too much to let go. in fact if he leaves me, i may turn myself to death, yeah seriously. he cant leave me... haish*

but he's realli not e ideal bf i wan.. i wan a sweet, caring and thoughtful guy who will send u ta sch in e morning and fetch u home after sch.. throw all his frens behind jus to accompany u for a few mins and buy sweet lil` things for u.. and maybe do lil` sweet things.. tat will make me totally devote my heart to him. but he didnt... but i also dunno why on e other hand i love him so much. i realli realli love him.. i hope he does too.. haish...

maybe im demanding and stuffs, but he shud get more sweet ehs? i promised myself i wont leave him, but in e future we nv know.. he may leave me one day.. and i wont know wad to do. hais.. anyways going to mos for dinner with mom tonite! finally. hehs.. gonna eat until she broke =p tml no sch cuz sports carnival. tats all. gotta bath. =D lovinn`` himm tooo muchh too lett goo......

time - 4.54pm

dunch feel like listening to anything. time for my ears to have some peace.. yeah? maybe listening to my keyboard.. lalaa... jus a short entry i suppose. life's still goes on, pretty bored. boring life. but at least shi xian managed to make me laugh abit today. life is meaningless.. i wonder how did i get thru today? actually i dunno myself. to me, time pass fast today.

after chem's lessons, went to buy some foodie at da new pasar malam. guess it jus opened ytd.. everything's still not up. but i find tat thing abit blocking me cuz i always take tat path home. and it will be lots of crowd and will get very hot.. its a place where i will rem de.. haish* but everythin`s gone i suppose? its quite a big one anyway. passed by a stall.. lotsa hello kittys~ omg.. fallin` in lurve with them. gonna go down with mom and see wart to buy =) and oso spotted one piggy pillow ( e piggy peini bought for me during christmas ) and some other kewt stuffs

alrights.. think im stoppin here. gonna break down in a matter of secs. darn tired. was kinda surprised by myself when i listened to e-maths the whole 2 periods! i survived yeah? but broke down after 3 periods of social studies. lucky mrs chan let us have a break =) anyway life jus pass by for me lidat. its been meaningless to me these few days when he's not around with me for 2weeks alreadi =(

time - 4.44pm

jus back from work. did split shift today. eve promised me to go shoppin` with me today during muh 1 hour break. but guess it, broke again. haish.. nvm.. so i went for my 1hour break, woah. time passed fast >.< and work again~ nv get scolding today =) den at nite no customers. so free. wahahas. after work, ate my crew meal den bought teriyaki chicken burger and croquette pie for my mum. den bought a medium peach tea for myself =) dens went to mac to buy fishdippers. wahahaas =D

i hate my father, he's jus too much. today morning, my mum bought some food home. he ate.. yes he left some for my mom. but guess wad? he ate the whole chicken wing and eggs and blah.. leaving few pieces of veggies for my mum. how bad can he get? mom was unhappy, jus say tat he not gd.. and den.. he jus keep on argueing. my mom cant be bothered with him. and he jus nag and nag and nag and kept saying wart "let u eat very gd alreadi" or wad other fucks. fuck him. he shud care for my mom. haish* den when i brought those foodies home. he wanted to have the burger. no way man. tat was for my mom =( but of cuz i din say anithing cuz im sure he will say "aiyo!dont let me eat?im ur father, ok.. next time dun ask me buy things for you" BLAH~ wartteverr shiat again! den my mom said "no, burger's mine and rice's urs" den he keep saying he wanted the burger. of cuz my mom resisted and stuffss/ duh~ in e end he ate away half of da burger. wtf. i was pissed. -.-... he didnt pay the money for the burger. ya i know its not gd for me to take money from mom for tat burger, but im broke! and i treated her da croq pie? =( enuff of tat asshole.

was kinda sad todae, when was working between 12-4, my mood totally changed. cant smile and got frustrated at customers easily, xandra ask me smile.. den i din say anything. she said my face why lidat.. den i jus shook my head.. she kept asking den i shook my head and went away.. if she ask again i will cr ='( firz is i told him how i wanted a sweet bf, jus as i expected? jus got a lil` remark from him =( (how sad can i get?) 2nd - eve broke da promise of shopping` with me and 3rd - she doesnt seems to wan toking to me. she can smile and laugh with nelly and xandra, but she didnt even wan to tok to me ( now tat gets more sad) and 4th - xandra always say i not hardworking.. and say when no customers i shud help out, cannot laze around or tok. but i saw eve and nelly chitchatting all the way and i was there cleaning up and stuffs. how unfair can all this get =( . of cuz im angry! + not to mention sad =(

haish.. jus read carolyn's blog, she has been holding on to a relationship whereby her stead jus put everything in e world on top of her and not concerning her.. cuz he said tat she knew she wont get angry. wad kind of guy is this? he is darn bad to his gf. hais.. maybe im on e same situation as carol, but not as bad as her. she's strong... but am i tat strong? i darnoe... haish.. had enuff =(

time - 11.56pm

yeaps.. listening to radio right now =D jus a quick entry. ytd's work was tough, cud see tat jeff was kinda angry at me. but its not my customer, i jus help her took over.. zzz -.- ytd when was working, i saw juvena's bf.. he came to my counter, was darn shock. den scanned around mos.. spotted juvena O.O" guess she saw me.. but im not sure, till i sms-ed her last nite. she said she saw me.. gawddd... miss her so much yea? she was a great manager... but too bad i dun like direct sales.. haahss~ =x

earli in e morn today xandra called me. wanted me to work 2! i said dun wan. den suppose to work 5 today. she den ask me do 4. and now i need to rush an hour early =( how i wished i cud stay 1 hour longer at home.. *yawns* so i came her for a quick update =D

been thinking all these days... does he realli love me? haish... maybe im demanding, but i tried my best to overcome it and all... but......... =( i need a sweet bf... a sweet and caring bf.. but................ or im too demanding? someone tell me...?

haish... i wanted e biggy baby pooh bear from mini toons or kiddy palace~ aiming it since last year ok! hais.. eve wanted to buy for me for my last birthday.. but dunno why she din buy.. haishh~ cost $20++... savin money for itttt~ and oso aiming for me2you bear.. tat day went ngee ann city with eve. saw tat shop~ inside all me2y0u~ omg i hug those bear until the staff abit irritated. lolz.. nahs.. nvm.. save money and tat be it~ eve ytd kept complaining wanted to go shoppin but all of us nt free due to work.. me oso wanna shopping =( she wanted to wore the tube tat day she bought when we went to parkway parade to shop.. nv see her wear b4.. sexy baby~ wahahahaaa..

alrights.. rushing fer time now. meeting mom later to have muh lunch den work ler.. ciaos

time - 1.50am

back from sch.. going to work later.. working 4-10.30 today.. 2.45 leavin da house. *yawns* gonna bath later and off to work =))

now drinking muh fav. magnolia milk and eating dunno wad cake mom bought few daes ago. its gonna be finished up by meee *yums* imma pig i agree =D i realised tat i liked everything of milk.. puremilk, drinking milk.. or shud i say. i loved dairy products? like butter, cheese and milk. bwaahahahas im crazy =D had PE in sch today. ran 2.4km. failed, *weeps* haish. 22mins. WTF. shocked myself too. wahahahas. been so sick nowadays. always wanna sneeze den dun wan come out, feelin terrible. but if i sneeze. i can dunno sneeze how many times at a go. haish.

ytd had a talk with mom, told her how disappointed i am with moi dear... but she told me.. i muz tell him. if not he wont know wad i wanted =( im afraid. telling him... how i wished he wud care for me and everything, he will jus take it as a remark or wont do anything. and i might get hurt even more. haish*nvm.. i'll let time pass and see how it gonna be with me and him..

alrights. just finished the cake. muahahahas =) gonna bath.. and get ready for work *yawns* hope tat i wun sneeze in the customer's face. LOL!

time - 1.47pm

still feelin da same. its worse today. =( mr tan didnt came, he went on course. he gave us damn lots of work on a-maths. i almost went crazy. i took 30mins jus to finish 2 question, which was the easiest in e book. wartx happening to me? hais... if tats wad questions they are givin out durin o levels. im sure i gonna fail. darn it. =(

after sch gortx extra lessons. after tat jus went home. pigged on muh dinner (lunch) [as i wont be having my dinner tonite] den online now. alrights.. feel like sleeping now. yeah i know im a pig. =) i live as a pig and i love pigs. tat makes me why i love my dear so much cuz he's a pig. bwahahahahsx yar not funny -.- alrightsssss... now gonna put songs into muh mp3 den sleep liaos. tml working and havin a-maths test (zzzzzzzzz).. fuckin stress... nytiez..

time - 5.34pm

haish. ytd was totally mad. jus put my tots into there. today wasnt any better. still feeling so stress and left out. phang called me jus now, refused to answer. cuz dun wanna work. im alreadi stress enuff. hais.. den he sms me. ask me tml work 6-10. fuck it man. im so darn fedup with everything right now. i got lotsa homework and everything. still need to work. nvm. i gonna tell him i cant make it. if not i will break down soon, real soon.

alrights. in sch was totally same. study, sleep, eat, study, cca. BAHS. bored. came home. ate and online. shi xian kept telling me not to work, cuz it has alreadi affect my studies. but im not rich like her =( her father dotes her and she is rich. im not. my father sucks to the core, onli know how to play outside and he dont dote me. im poor freak. suck the hell out of it. anyways mom promised me she'll bring me out to mos to eat when we both are free. im gonna suck the money out of her. BWAHAHAHAH. it was hard,realli hard for both of us to go out and eat alone. cuz when she's free. im either working or in sch. when im free. she's always working. when was the last time we ate alone? hmm.. midnite i suppose. she was hungry after she bought some mos food home. she was not full. so i treated her to supper. hmm.. i wanna eat rice burger set + prawns + nuggets. OMG. all these made me drool =)

alrights im sick of blogging. wanna get some rest. gudnite. life sux.

time - 5.21pm

feelin so lost. i feel like dying. why? cuz i carn stand the pressure going around me. im going nuts. i wanna break down. i felt so guilty. cuz i was copying a-maths homework from peiyun and everything, and fear struck me. how am i going to survive in the exams? i realli wanna walk on e road and die out of a sudden. sick of it.

mine was total blank all along. haish. i darnoe wad to say anymore. i rehli hate muh life. mom didnt come home last nite, and was kinda mad at her. fuck it. i hate myself and i hate my life and this world. got my pay today. onli $120. wtf. i worked so hard. everyday, getting scoldin, burning. and onli gt this small amount of money. but wad? who can i blame? god? no way man. blame urself, peiyi, asshole. u are such a freak. ur frens betrayed u and left u all alone, why nt jus end ur whole freakin fuck life? felt lonely, realli. my frens.. no one cared and loved me? i wanna cry. i wanna burst out into tears and flood the world with my tears. life is so meaningless. frens? wad are frens? i dunno. till now, i cant have a true fren tat will stay by my side when i need them. like...will never leave me one person alone and go with e crowd. why does my life turn out this way?

fuck it. fuck u. fuck the whole world. sch called my mom today, say i didnt attend sch. WTF. i went to sch ok. u see. even sch wanna put me into trap. in e end, they said cuz i went to locker and take my book so the teacher didnt mark my name. BUT HEY WAIT. i went to sch early this morning. i reached sch around 6.50. and i got fuck by this person for nth. marking of attendane starts EARLIEST @ 7.15 ok. i wasnt late and i didnt go to my locker and take my books. fuck it. fuck everything i had.

argh cant stop myself from scolding the word "FUCK" im sorry. sorry god. i did all things bad. i hate myself, hate my looks, hate my life and hate my figure. life jus wasnt meant for me. but i will NOT, NEVER kill myself. cuz at least god cared for me? hopes for my future darkened. i know i can never have a bright future. my life's ruined. wanna shun myself out of this world.

time - 4.57pm